SORRY!

Hey Guys !
Sorry it's been so long but I am officially back on the blogging scene! A lot has gone on over the past few months and I have really neglected this page but I have always responded to all your emails and concerns which was my main priority. I am hoping to do a proper entry some time this week. My friends at college have kind of encouraged me to continue with it so I guess its time for me to make time for you lot.

Keep your emails coming!

Niamh x

ohh yeh and KEEP SMILING!

YouTube!

Hey guys,

I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and new year!

I still haven't got my keyboard fixed and I can't wear any makeup for two weeks because I have Exma all over my eyes. Happy new year!

But none of that matters because I now have a camera and we all know what this means...YouTube!

I have been thinking about making a channel for a while now and like I mentioned before, I have been reluctant to due to nerves, but my confidence is improving greatly and I now have no excuse. So I have created a channel, no videos yet, but soon I should be uploading a few little tasters for you.  I'm so excited and can't wait to share another huge part of my life with you guys. I know I get support from you and all my friends which I am so grateful for. I will link my account in this post somewhere so you can go and subscribe to it if you want to join me on my journey and I guess all I can say is thank you to all my amazing friends I have met through here and  my followers who keep me happy, motivated and most importantly smiling everyday with all your emails. I hope you  like my videos and please give me some suggestions once I get started as to what you want me to try because I want  you involved in this as much as possible.

Here are some recent pictures taken over the festive season that I thought you may enjoy.

Keep Smiling

Niamh x

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfWsPTYmGgm00ThW8gLuAOA

Just a cheeky selfie

My Christmas goodies

Me and the amazingly beautiful Beth on New Years Eve

Boxing Day Dinner...perfect!

Billiee clearly loving life on Christmas day

Christmas

Hey guys!

I am so sorry that I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. There is good reason behind it all though I promise!

Basically, I have been moving house which has been so stressful. Even at this minute I am still emptying boxes whilst trying to write this post. College has been so busy with mocks coming up after Christmas and my product design work  has literally took over my life so that's had to take priority which makes me sad. And then Christmas came sneakily and any spare time I have had has been used to make sure that this year, me, my mum and Hannah have an amazing Christmas in our new house. To top that all off, my laptops space button fell off so I'm currently having to type this post out by using a hair grip to put in each space...not fun but you're worth it!

Christmas!

Enough of the negatives. It's Christmas Eve! I'm ridiculously excited for tomorrow and haven't take of my Christmas tree headband since I woke up at 7.Yes I am just that cool. I don't know about you lot but once I had watched Elf, my most favourite Christmas film of all time, I couldn't stop! Christmas tunes have been blasting from my room since the beginning of December so I bet my neighbours are a little bit annoyed but oh well. I still have so much wrapping to do though and for those of you who haven't been unfortunate enough to receive a present from me, whats inside is normally good but the wrapping is poor. Maybe it's a good thing that I am too tall to be an elf because  I think I would have been sacked by now if wrapping was in the job description. I was quite clever this year though and as well as getting everyone in my college friendship group a little something, I made them all a CD with albums of their choice on that I had already brought, including Bastille, Arctic Monkeys and even One Direction (don't hate on me, they are my guilty pleasure). But I didn't have any CD wallets from when we moved which sucked and I had a little stress in my room as to what to put them in. Being a media student however, and just a teenage girl in general, the amount of fashion magazines I had lying around my room was ridiculous. I remembered watching a brilliant room decor video on You Tube a few weeks ago which I will link at the bottom of the post on how to make these origami cranes that hang from your ceiling and I fell in love. The girl used magazine paper to make them with and it looked so colourful and  pretty so it inspired me to make the wallets out of magazine paper. They took ages but looked adorable ! Everyone had a different one and they looked dead posh. As I already had a huge stack of blank discs and the music already downloaded, they worked out really inexpensive.

Another trick I decided to do was buy ASDA's own candles which I think cost £1 and PVA glue all around the base of them to about a quarter of the way up. I was given loads of glitter at the clothes show by Minx nails which I highly suggest  you check out because their nail polishes are so pretty and quite cheap, but I had literally a lifetimes worth and just wasn't going to use it. So i rolled the candles in the glitter and TA DA ! Pretty candles for all the family which was again really inexpensive but looked so festive and cute. Two of them together tied together with some tartan ribbon or even normal string looked perfect and even though they were cheap, they smelled really good.

So I guess that's it from me for now. You best all be wearing your Christmas jumpers because I walked round college on Friday with a huge Penguin on mine. I think I may start a You Tube channel in the new year possibly which is extremely exciting and a lot of my emailers have been asking me to start one. If anything, they will just be general advice videos, music covers and beauty halls/tutorials if I feel brave enough. Firstly, I need a new laptop which may take a while to save  up for and I may even splash out on a nice camera, who knows? But for now, I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and remember that I always try  to reply to your emails when i get them and even over the festive period, I always make time for you!

Don't get to drunk and eat loads ! 

Keep smiling

Niamh x

Here's that link for the crane mobile. She is a great You Tuber so give her a subscribe guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKJ0w2e8igc

November Catch up

Oh well hello!

So I thought we should all have a general catch up guys. I get so many nice emails with followers telling me what they have been up to during the week, what they have achieved and some awkward experiences which I do have to say make me giggle. So here's my November catch up and I'm thinking of making this a monthly thing if you lot respond well.

Well at this very moment I'ts 24 days and 31 seconds until I go to the Clothes Show Live in Birmingham. I am extreamly excited as you may tell from the fact that I have a countdown set up on my phone. November is the month of countdowns for me to be honest as I also have the Christmas countdown app and its only 43 more sleeps. I think everyone I know is counting down but I know I am going to have so much revision to do for mock exams over the holidays which isn't as appealing. However, I actually have plans pretty much every week up until Christmas, especially in this month, so lets go through them.

Firstly, although this was technically October, I was invited to a friends house for a Halloween gathering for the day which was so cute. Just spending the day with the girls was so nice. And I had a Halloween Party...yes a party. Now for those of you who don't know, I rarely leave the house unless I'm either being forced or because we have no food in, so this was a huge thing. But the highlight of it all had to be the following day where I took part in and completed a marathon-a Harry Potter Marathon. It was such an achievement. And then we started back at college.

Well I thought it was going to be boring but no, I have more plans.  Friday I'm going down to London with school for a Technology/Media/Art careers convention which is exciting and this weekend I'm going to my close friend Abi's house because it was her 17th on Sunday. I can't wait to show you guys the present I have put together for her but she may be reading this so I will take pictures and upload them as a separate post after she has opened it, maybe even one of her opening it if she isn't crying too much! I've thought about it for so long now and its taken ages but if you knew Abi, you would understand why I bothered and you would know how much all of it means to her. I will explain it all at a later stage. Prize giving is on the Thursday and I have won two awards as well as my 13 A*-B GCSE's so that will be nice and next Friday I have, wait for it, another party! But I have nothing to wear so here's where you come in. If any of you have brought or seen anything in the shops which you think would suit me or think I might like then please email me a link and a little message because I'm struggling.

And then we have December...CHRISTMAS! I'm so excited to start my beauty advent calendar it's unreal and I have had the brilliant idea of blogging each day whats behind the door, a picture and a quick little review of it. This may give you guys an insight into some products you may wish to purchase later in the Christmas sales which is always a great opportunity to pick up some bargains, again another blog post topic for me to talk about.

And that's my November catch up and I know it's halfway through the month, but if anything exciting or somewhat interesting happens I will tell you all about it. I want to upload more pictures that relate to the blogs I'm writing but the events haven't happened yet so I may do a general November Catch up Photos post later on in the month. Whilst I'm at Clothes Show Live as well, I want to take loads of photos of me and my friend Frankie, but also whats going on, what im buying, hopefully a picture of me with Jamie and Proudlock form Made In Chelsea (the best TV show ever) and just general bits a bobs so that will be a nice post for you all.

So let me know about your November and I hope you are all doing well. I love hearing from you and it makes my time blogging worth while if it's helping or entertaining you in anyway. Some of the stories I get sent are an inspiration to me in my own life and the support for my blogs and emails has been amazing. I am so thankful for all my friends supporting me with it and for all my emailers who continue to surprise me everyday.

Remember, keep smiling.

Just to leave you with a cute quote - 'Life is like a camera. Focus on whats important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, take another shot.'

Question Time

Hello guys !

Well not much has happened really. I'm actually enjoying my half term which is fab and I'm getting work done... this has never happened before. But today I had a lovely day with my girly friends where we dressed up and got into the Halloween spirit ( get it? 'spirit'),

So now I'm sat in bed like normal having a good old think and I've kind of run dry of ideas... not good! This really isn't good so early on into my blogging especially considering you all keep sending me new ideas, but I am officially stuck. So i have 
decided to go through some of my emails and answer some of the questions you were asking me, picked out some of the more interesting ones and had a go at them so I hope this gives you a little more of an idea of who I am, what I like and some little embarrassing facts you may not have known

1. Thing you cant leave the house without?

My phone! My I Phone is my baby and I think I may love it more than most people to be honest. If I leave it at home I literally feel lost without it. This I'm sure is the same for most teenage girls but I can't stress enough how much I depend on it for everything from twitter to navigating me from place to place. Plus, I always have music on so forgetting it is hell when it comes to free periods at college. Also, my makeup bag is always with me as i am addicted to my colourful lipsticks so you never know when you are going to need a top up...as for all I know prince charming could come in and sweep me off my feet at anytime, hopefully not know because I look a state, but I want to look my best when he does...we can still hope.

2. Favorite brand of makeup? 

This one is easy...Rimmel! Now I have loved this brand for a while and their 'Wake me up' foundation is a life saver! Its got such god coverage, smells amazing and matches my skin perfectly. Also, their 'Appocalips lip lacquers' (or 'Show off lip lacquers' if you're in America) are my new best friend. They have such a rich pigmentation and the colour I have which is 'Big Bang' is a stunning bright red, perfect for special occasions or with a little black dress. I can't stress to you how much I love them and would highly recommend them to anyone! So that's why I love Rimmel.

3. Favorite flowers? 

Awww I love flowers! Unfortunately I have never had them brought for me...sad times. But I have to be really cliche and say roses. They remind me of Beauty and the Beast and i loved that film as a kid, plus they just look and smell so pretty and magical. Going to have to go and get some tomorrow now.

4. Favorite clothing store?

As for high street stores, I often find you can't go wrong with New look. I love this shop and if I need clothes it's always the first place I go to when out shopping as I normally find what I'm looking for there at a relatively cheap price. Also, you get student discount there which is always a bonus!

5. Favorite perfume? 

Marc Jacobs Daisy. Need I say more?

6. Heels of flats? 

Now as you all know, I'm a very very tall girly and the minute I put on a pair of heels I tower above almost anyone. However, I love my stupidly high heels. People always say 'Why are you wearing heels?' but they make me feel feminine and normal. So to take the mick I always try and find the tallest heels possible and wear them out because it annoys people. However, I do love my flats for college and just general days where I'm in my jeans, especially my converse.

7. Do you get good grades?

I'm a bit of a boff so yes I do get good grades. I take pride in my work and love school...how sad! But I want to go to uni and do well so I guess I need them.

8. Favorite colors?

Blues and Purples are my favorite but hopefully my room will be black and white soon which will look so cute!

9. Do you drink energy drinks?

I am slightly ashamed of this but yes I do...a lot. I know its really bad for you but I do love my Powerade and Monster... not good I know but I'm trying to cut down.

10. Do you drink juice?

I drink a lot of fruit juice because I love it but its expensive so I often have to stick to squash... boring! Orange juice with all the bits is my favorite but I also like pomegranate. 

11. Do you like swimming?

I used to do swimming lessons when I was younger and always loved it but I haven't been in ages. I want to when it gets a bot warmer because I don't fancy it when its cold but I do love it, especially competitively.

12. Do you eat fries with a fork?

Hahahaha sometimes! Fries or Chips as we call them here are usually quite chunky and if you want to dunk them in ketchup then you need a fork but if they are french fries then i use my fingers..piggy!

13. Whats your favorite moisturizer?

Definitely the Simple moisturizer! Simple is such a good brand and it always leaves me feeling revitalized and my skin looks and feels amazing. Would highly recommend the entire brand o anyone, including the cleanser...brilliant!

14. Do you want to get married later on in life?

Now this is always a much heated debate between me and my friends, one of which I'm on Skype to now...'Hi Joe!' I personally don't see myself ever getting married or even meeting anyone to be honest, being 48 and having 3 dogs immersed in my career. How depressing!

15. Do you get mad easily 

No I wouldn't say I do to be honest. I have a lot of patience and it takes a lot for me to get mad but when I do loose it people definitely know about it.

16. Are you into ghost hunting?

No not really...weird question.

17. Any phobias? 

Not any specific phobias as such but the thought of failing anything scares me. I'm such a perfectionist that the thought of not doing well in something literally gives me nightmares.

18. Do you bite your nails?

Yes I do ! And they are disgustingly short it's vile. I have tried everything but I can't crack the habit. If anyone has any ideas then leave a comment below please!

19. Have you ever had a near death experience?

Not that i know of yet...lets hope I haven't jinxed it!

20. Do you drink coffee?

I do occasionally and I do really like it. I'm definitely a coffee person as I hate tea but Its very rare that I have a coffee rather than a Hot Chocolate or a cold drink.

21. Who are your favorite music artists?

I love music so I'm just going to list a load of different artists that spring to mind but the list is endless and varied:

-Ellie Goulding

-Bastille

-Foo Fighters

-All Time Low

-Blink 182

-Passenger

-Paramore

-Bring Me The Horizon

-Katy Perry

Justin Timberlake

-Beyonce

I think you get the jist of it.

22. Are you single? If so why?

Right, well I am most definitely single. I have only ever had one boyfriend and that lasted two weeks in high school which is embarrassing to say the least. I have never had a long term boyfriend but I have been on many dates. Personally, I would love a relationship, but with someone who truly cared about me and that I could trust with everything. Plus, I have a lot of baggage which will never go away so It's hard to find someone who understands stuff. I am single however by choice as I feel I have too much going on at the moment with school and home to even have time for a relationship and I need to spend time sorting myself out first before I enter anything. I do date and still hope that one day I will meet someone but it's not right for me at the moment. I don't like making myself vulnerable or completely opening up to people so this is another setback.

Phew. That took ages. I want to upload some pictures to go with some of the questions and I will get around to doing that for you all hopefully in the next couple of days which would be nice but until then, I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me. If anyone has anymore questions, feel free to comment them down bellow or email me them if you want to remain anon and it may give me some inspiration for my next blog but for now, i really want my bed. I love you all !

Keep smilling

Niamh x

Shaken and stirred a lot

Helloooo !

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while !  I've not been having the best couple of days to be perfectly honest so I didn't really feel like sitting down for long enough to type a post that would be somewhat interesting to everyone. All I've done since Friday afternoon is mumble around upset but I had the time today and felt positive enough to blogg for you... yay!

So today's post is about confidence. I did do a post similar to this but after the last few days another issue arose, hence me being miserable (ooo Les Miserables-  'On my ownnn ') and thought it would be useful or maybe a little bit interesting for you who follow me and my weird life. So we were at sixth form at lunch and a close friend in a completely innocent and jokingly way told me my arse looked. They wouldn't ever try to upset me and didn't mean to on this occasion either but it kinda did. So I laughed it off, well I just ran away from the situation to be honest, and had a little cry in the toilets. What is wrong with me? In our toilets we have a full length mirror which really didn't help and I must have been stood there for about 5 minutes sorting my eyes out because I had developed a mascara flowing Niagara falls that was tickling down my cheeks, but also looking at my figure in the mirror.

Last year was a vile year for me. Not only had I got Mum to worry about and an imbecile of a step dad, my head was anything but straight (but still basketball sized). Control was something that I didn't have and without it, coping everyday wasn't an option. I had no control over the upset at home, my grades were slipping and all I wanted was to feel like I could potentially monitor and control one aspect of my life. I didn't feel good enough for anything but I often suffered in silence, not wanting to feel like a burden on my friends because hanging out with the miserable ('At the barricades of freedom!' - ohh dear ) kid wasn't ideal. Then one day I threw up, nice i know and it was almost like a form of release for all the anger, frustration and confusion I had going on. It then became a regular occurrence, twice and if I was lucky three times a day. Looking back on it now makes me feel so ill and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But like I said, I got over the Bulimia and got back on the mend. I've started to feel better about my figure, now at a healthy size 8/10.

But I'm anything but stable. After this comment was made, it reminded me of the past, how it made me feel at the time and how I saw myself and looking in that full length mirror made me feel exactly the same as I used to. So when I got home, I went upstairs. For the rest of the day I sat in my room crying and refusing to eat. Obviously this is completely unhealthy and not a good idea but in my head, all that I was trying to do was control something. Sitting on my bed, with my head in my duvet, I looked at myself again across the room in the mirror and felt sick. I literally hate myself.

So to try and cut a longer story long, I want to change and will do whatever it takes to try and slim up even more. It's amazing what one comment can do to someones self confidence and I've decided that enough is enough. Its going to take a while again but I know my close friends are reading this and will help me through it. So I'm dieting ! 

Shakes seemed like a good option. Breakfast and lunch, then a healthy meal with meat and veg for dinner. I'm going to give it a go and see how it turns out, blogg how I'm feeling emotionally and physically as well as whats been going on in my day and maybe upload pictures depending on my confidence levels. Exercise is also highly important and as I'm out of dancing at the minute due to tearing my thigh muscle, I'm going to do some core work to tone my tummy and improve its strength. So i will be trying different work out videos and regimes which I will link and comment on here which I'm actually really excited about. Hopefully it will improve my skin as well which is always a bonus ! 5 bottles of water a day is another target I want to work my way up to because I don't drink enough in general let alone of water.

But after all that, thank you so much for all the kind emails you guys are sending me! After only starting this a matter of days ago I have already had such a warm and welcome response which makes me happy and I finally feel like I have a purpose as well as helping people which gives me great pleasure. Knowing my day stories and how I managed to get through my past is helping you makes me strive to continue being strong. Thank you so much as well for all the compliments and your tips because they mean a lot, trust me.

Keep smiling friends - Tomorrow is a better day

Niamh x

P.S sorry for the bad Les Miserables jokes...it just had to be done !

Stronger

Helloooooo !

How are you all ? Amazingly Brilliant I hope :)


(Deborah, Caitlin, Me and Frankie)
So today has been eventful. My little sister, who i don't think I have actually mentioned yet had a dance competition so we were all up this morning at the crack of dawn getting her ready. Glitter was everywhere and as i walked out of the lounge i choked on a cloud of hairspray...the normal. So I was on sandwich duty as I was staying at home all day working. But as I was up and my Sociology essay did not look or sound appealing in the slightest, i texted my friend Deborah in urgent need of a shopping trip.

Me and Debbie have been friends since year 7, but began to get particularly close from yr 10 onwards. She is about 5ft 4 ish and has the most beautiful, long, dark hair I have ever seen in my entire life - can you tell I'm a little bit jealous? Well we went shopping didn't we, but our shopping experience is the same as most teenagers I know.We look at all the pretty things that we can't afford and gossip about anything interesting that's been happening at college. Its all well and good having student discount but I still need the remainder of the money in the first place (and considering I'm too tall to be a Christmas Elf, I don't think it will be happening anytime soon...I'm not bitter at all). Anyway, after running though the rain, hoping not to bump into anyone, I finally got to her in the shopping centre and we went for a wonder. We literally went everywhere! But in the end the only thing I brought were large cotton wool pads.

It wasn't very exciting to be honest but it was nice to just spend some time with my friend and chill. Friends mean a lot to me and over the past two years, I don't know what I would have done without them. I certainly wouldn't be where here today writing all this because things would have turned out a lot more differently.

It was a Thursday evening and I had just got back from dancing so I was tired and ready for my bed. Everything seemed normal and I went to my room. Mum has always been ill ever since I can remember but recently she had been getting worse. My step dad had been taking her to the hospital as they were both concerned at the time as to what was wrong, but they simply kept sending her away, giving her pain killers and telling her to rest. Her condition deteriorated and in the end, mum demanded that she went to have further tests as there was an underline problem that wasn't being identified. I didn't know exactly what tests they had been doing but all I knew was that the results were coming through soon.

So I've been in my room for 24 minutes exactly and I get called downstairs with my sister. Being the reluctant teenager I would have normally asked why, but there was something about the whole atmosphere that night that had felt uneasy and uncertain, so I simply followed instructions and went downstairs. However I had already been fearing the worst about my mum. A girl I sat next to in my class used to ask me about her and we would discuss what new news I had on the situation. It was that Tuesday when we began questioning what it could be. After describing the symptoms lesson after lesson she was only suggesting the more minor possibilities, like Arthritis, but that lesson I said to her that I thought it was Cancer and she told me to stop being so silly and to not think the worst.

'I have been having scans at the hospital. I don't know how to tell you this girls but I promise you before hand everything will be OK'. She didn't even have to say it and I already knew. In fact, she couldn't say it and my arse hole of a step dad at the time blurted it out. 'She's got cancer, Hodgkin's Lymphoma ,stage 4 and is going to have to have chemotherapy so will loose all her hair.' Obviously my sister started crying and cuddled my mum whilst they both sobbed their hearts out. My step dad left the room to get a drink and I went to my room. I didn't cry until I had shut my door, sat on my bed and after about five minutes, single tears trickled down my face. Crying in front of her would have only made things worse. I prayed and went to sleep.

The following morning was a Friday, so a school day. I looked rough and had no motivation to do any makeup and my hair was still curly form the night before, so I left for the bus. Telling my friend Anna at the bus stop was the first challenge and we both ended up in tears. When the rest of the bus asked why, I couldn't answer. Hannah was crying and school didn't know yet so I was taken by some friends to my form teacher who I then broke down on completely, as well as my friends. And then I had to grow up.

As mums condition deteriorated, so did a lot of things. Turns out my step dad was a psycho and he turned abusive, almost instantly when mum showed signs of weakness, towards all of us. So we could have no outside helpers come in as it was deemed too dangerous, leaving mum to fend for herself during the day whilst practically immobile and me and my sister doing the same, looking after her when we got home from school. My grades slipped obviously and I was taken out of many lessons due to my emotional instability, social worker meetings and just simply due to teachers being concerned for me. I hated myself from then on and ended up in a real mess with Bulimia, as it was one of the only things I could have some control over as everything else in my life was falling apart. Family couldn't always come, and that's after my step dad had stopped telling them to leave mum alone because she was too tired and had mental issues. What kind of sick human being does that? But the one thing I could always count on through all this was my friends.

I'm back on track now. I achieved A*-B in all my exams, got a place in sixth form and hoping to go to Uni in 2 years.  None of this would have happened if I hadn't had my friends around me, at the other end of a phone at whatever time. I can safely say I have the best group of friends in the world and my particularly close friends were there for me every step of the way and are still there today, right next to me, a few inches shorter, but with hearts bigger than anyone's. Debbie is one of those friends along with Frankie (who was busy today so couldn't come shopping with us but normally would do) and Caitlin (who had to go to a different 6th form and we miss her very much) and Abi (the girl who doesn't know she's amazing, talented and needs a confidence boost), who are my Best Friends but also an extension of my family. There are many more and they know exactly who they are because they are the ones who are reading this blog now, in its early stages and supporting me all the way. The sad thing is that there is no way on earth that I can repay them for everything they have done, whether it be forcing me to eat something at lunch, or simply asking me if I needed anything. But I should hope they know I am eternally grateful for everything. I don't cry much anymore - maybe because I've ran out of tears but I'm sat here tying this Blog with tears trickling down my cheeks and landing on my lap.

Mums getting better now and we are rid of the prat of a step dad (sort of but that's another story), but there are a lot of problems we are trying to deal with that most people by now would have given up on, but me, mum and Hannah as a unit are stronger than any of the problems that are thrown at us and together we will get through them, with the help from my army of friends, and its days like today where I noticed how far we have come as a family. So you were probably wondering where I ended up getting from dance comps to mums illness but today, my sister Hannah managed to win 2nd place in her category out of 37 top dancers. I was so proud of her and it made me realize how much things have changed in the last few years, but we are still going strong, achieving our goals and supporting each other. Mum is well enough to be taking us to our comps and has a full head of hair (which at comps last year she didn't and was wearing a headscarf). And I was out with my friend Deborah, being a normal teenage girl, skint, looking for a job and having a laugh with my girl.

Like I said...today has been eventful.

Keep Smiling

Niamh