Lanky

Well, Considering you haven't seen me yet, I thought it would be a good idea to add some photos on, so you can put a face to all these blog posts... so here you go!

 Here is me and my friend Caitlin at prom.                    And here's me in my prom dress looking girly.
(Note that I am wearing tiny heels and she is in high heels)

So its that time of the day again... I've not really done much today to be honest.

This morning consisted of me getting up, laying all my homework out on my bed, looking at it and then magically ending up on YouTube...then the Topshop website...and then it was conveniently time for my singing lesson had had to get ready and leave. I really don't know how it happened.

I did however do a bit of a job search. Do you know how stressful this process is with bad broadband? Loading all these different search pages just wasn't working and when they did I couldn't find anything suitable, but in what can only be described as ultimate desperation, I applied to be and Elf. Yes an Elf. Now I didn't think there would be any trouble with me getting this job as all I have to do is dress up, stand somewhere and entertain the children in the line before they go and see Santa. So after spending about an hour filling in an application form online and having a domestic with my Wi-Fi router, I was finally on the last page. The end was in sight and the overwhelming thought of finishing was somewhat relieving. But as you will learn, whenever I tend to get so close to something ( and usually when I tend to use big posh fancy words on here to describe my happiness) something was wrong. Not with my CV. Not even with my application in fact. It was my height.
 

I am officially too tall to be an Elf.

This is actually quite sad. On the last page where it asked me to upload a photo and insert my measurements, it gave me a drop down box to select my height form and the tallest it went to was 5ft 5. My dreams of being a Christmas elf were ruined. Now I can understand why they want small people but come on, really ! Leave it until the last page to tell me I have to be 5ft 5 and under ( and yes I did go back and read everything and no where did it mention any height limit ). Then it got me thinking...

Don't be worried, it wasn't dangerous this time, but it made me think about what it would be like to be small. Words can not describe how much i would like to be small or at least average height. Yes being tall has its advantages and a lot of people love or would love to be as tall as me, but I hate it. I can't find a boyfriend (not that any boys are interested in me anyway) that is taller than me, I have to duck down in the back of the car when my mum is driving because I block the back window and nothing fits me properly. So far, being tall has never had any positive influences on my life and I even get moaned at when I wear heels because I look like an electricity pylon. And now i can't even be an elf and earn a bit of extra cash at my local garden centre because I'm the BFG - my ears are almost as big as his to.

People always say to me 'You're so lucky', 'I wish i was as tall as you' and 'You should be a model' which has now turned into 'But you're a model so you need to be tall' but I completely disagree with them. I feel unfeminine being this tall a lot of the time as clothes are ill fitting,  my feet are huge to balance it out so i have to look in the men's section or buy really big ladies shoes online which can be expensive and just generally a nuisance. I remember last year in class, we were sat watching a short clip of a film in a lesson and the girl behind be shouted at me because I was blocking her view because I was so tall. People have always made jokes about my height as well calling me 'The Big Friendly Giant' and other names to that effect. It gets me down a lot of the time because I just feel big in general compared to my friends who all have quite short, petite frames. Now I'm only a size 8/10, but I look a lot bigger because of my height and this has lead me to a lot of upset and medical problems through compulsive dieting and simply not eating.

I tried everything just to try and stop me growing and maybe make me smaller. My theory was that if I lost so much weight and stopped eating, maybe I would look smaller and shrink a bit. Now this was obviously ridiculous and was never going to get me anywhere but in my mind, all I kept thinking was about how big and gross I was and how small I could potentially be. Normal was all I wanted to be or at least not identified as being the giant, so that when my friends and I go shopping, I could not only find shoes that would fit me in the women's section or pretty clothes that weren't from the more mature 'Tall' section, but I could try on high heels and fitted dresses with them, being a proper girl. I do enjoy a lot of stereo typically male things, like cars, robots and general mechanics, but I am a very girly girl who loves nothing more than doing her makeup and hair, going out and having a girly night. The worst experience of my height definitely has to be at dancing. As i'm tall, I have to be placed at the back a lot, otherwise the person behind me can't be seen and this was fine when i first moved up into the highest class as all my friends and I were on the same level and weren't as good as the more experienced older dancers who were in front of us. However, as I had progressed and got older,  as well as getting to be at the highest levels, I also continued to grow, and as my friends were moved forward to the front rows, I was left at the back with all the newbies who had just moved up and were on the lower grades. This literally knocked all my confidence in continuing in the performing industry as well as a lot of other incidences and made me feel like I was an inconvenience or somewhat a burden on the group. I still often look at patterning work in the mirrors now when we are doing troupe formations and when everyone else is at a similar height, looking like a proper team, I'm the lanky kid stuck on the end at the back, looking out of place and awkward. Its not a nice feeling and I still hate myself in many ways now.

But its something that no matter what I do, I can't change and I have just got to accept my height, as much as I hate it. Maybe one day I will learn to embrace it, but as a girl, I have my insecurities - many in fact - and my size is ultimately one of my biggest hates. Anyone could tell me I was stupid and should enjoy it but the truth is, when it comes to being a bit feminine, or finding someone taller than me to date, or even at dancing, it always holds me back and limits me in some way, rather than giving me advantages and more options. I'm determined to loose weight ( I will blog about this some other time) and maybe then I will be happier, but for all you tall girls out there who feel the same, keep following my blog because I may do a few posts on clothes stores for tall girls and anything else tall related. Maybe you could even comment below how you feel about being tall.

Anyway, like always i'm going to 'keep smiling' and you should to !

Niamh

Winter Warmers

Well its me again. Hope you have all had a good day !

Today has been long to say the least, maybe because it is a Friday but its dragged. I definitely didn't have the Friday feeling this morning, more like the 'If I stay in bed do you reckon the world will just forget about me' feeling but i somehow managed to roll out of bed, make myself look okish for the rest of humanities sake and get to college just as the bell went. I felt **** to say the least but if i can't understand college when i'm there, I have no hope learning at home. But the whole day I all I was thinking was 'I look disgusting'.

Girls always have this problem, the days where you just don't look good...at all. My hair was bad, my makeup wasn't having the desired effect and I felt fat. Not nice at all ! I always try to make an effort for college, wearing little dresses with tights and my shinny black shoes, red lipstick and pretty jewelry, but today was a leggings day. Now all you girls reading this should know that I'm new to the leggings craze, as I used to hate them...with a passion. Everyone who was wearing them used to be able to pull them off, but whenever I put them on all I could see were two black tree trunks. Don't get me started on the patterned ones...just no. Length is always an issue as well as they all seem to finish some where in between my knees and ankles making me look like a giant 4 year old. So when mum came home with three pairs she had managed to find in our local supermarket I was understandably unenthusiastic. However, putting them on, it was almost like an epiphany. Angels began to sing, the sun shone brightly and Kurt Cobain was looking down on me.

Well not really but THEY FIT ! I swear lads if you are reading this you are missing out here because comfy is an understatement. So since then I have been a changed girl...apart from the VPL because I still think that's grim. So they have become my best friend but also my weakness as I no longer can be bothered to make the effort in the morning and paired with an over sized jumper, i feel like I'm being hugged all day. They are now an essential in any girls wardrobe and a fashion'must have' for the winter.

So I'm a big fan of my bargains when I'm shopping and when I'm diving in among the sale racks I'm in my element. But one problem I do always find is that a lot of the stuff I like are in sizes too big for me. Jumpers however are completely different. If you pair and over sized jumper with leggings, you look super cute, cosy and more importantly comfy. Even paired with a statement necklace of a pattern scarf, you can take a dull pair of leggings and a jumper that's too big for you ( but a huge bargain) into an everyday, casual outfit.

A lot of you may already be doing this but here's some of my winter tips for jazzing up your jumpers

1) Pick a range of different colours and be brave. Patterned jumpers can look super cute but bright, bold, block colours can look really fashionable when worn with confidence,

2) The sale rack will be you're best friend when trying to create this look. Not only will you be grabbing a bargain, but it also means that as Christmas approaches, you will have extra spare cash to spend on presents... or in my case food. Even charity shops can be really good for finding something different, cheap and even vintage as well as helping a good cause.

3)Statement necklaces and scarfs can transform the outfit completely, making a casual garment into a fashionable outfit. Big, bulky necklaces look really good with this or even just a cute scarf tossed around your neck can add more interest to the outfit.

4) You can buy studs, sequins and many more alternatives on your local high street and these can really jazz up an old plain jumper, making it into something new and original. No one else will have that exact same jumper and I feel you can put you're own stamp on the look, letting your true style shine through. My favorite are studs as they are in fashion at the minute and are so easy to apply at home.

So I know its nothing new and a lot of people already do this but this is something I personally am new at. So there's my little tips on being comfy and still looking fashionable.

Post any images or you're latest bargain news bellow so I can see what you lot like and how you spice up the look.

Remember... Keep Smiling !

Niamh

Keep smiling

Well Hey !

Eeeeeek ! I'm so excited to start blogging its unreal !

So here I am on my first post and I've been thinking about what to tell you guys and make this page look as interesting as possible and well...it's been hard. So I sat down and thought 'what the hell am I going to do? I'm not used to this !' and so I thought 'well what do I know?'

And then I decided that at the minute... I don't feel like I know anything.

For all of you who have just started college, I'm sure we are all in the same boat but I feel like I'm sat in lessons, trying my hardest and its not going in. Its like I left my brain back at High school and its failed to be returned to me through lost property... I don't think I would want it back if it had been there actually with all the lost trainers and dirty PE tops...EWW!

For my 4 options, I chose Psychology, Media, Product Design and Sociology (which was originally maths but I changed my mind). Now I got good GCSE results and so did all my friends and we were all so proud of them, some of us a bit impressed at how much we had managed to remember in the exams and went for a celebratory meal at the poshest restaurant around... Frankie and Bennies of course. We even had pudding! So unfortunately my one friend was going to another 6th form to me and my other two friends and we had all been really close since year 7, meaning this was one of the last things we would probably do together. Turns out we did meet up again after results day but we don't get to see each other every day which is sad. Anyway back to the point, we knew it was going to be hard and a big step but come on...its like I'm on a different planet.

Sometimes I think I've understood something in class and that little party in my head are singing CEEEEELERBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON ! but then I get home, sit down to do it and I have the monkey with his cymbals ,marching around. I remember nothing ! A lot of my friends are having the same problem and the whole stress of it is definitely rubbing off on people. Another inspiration for this post is that one of my BESTEST friends in the whole entire world just phoned me and she's the one who started my crazy YouTube obsession. Literally if I had a problem or needed anything, literally anything, this girl would help. We have been extremely close for a while but in different friendship groups, which has its benefits, but we tell each other everything and today I had her ring me in tears, so my initial reaction to her crying down the phone to me was 'Ohh no what's the BF done now?'. But no, it was simply school. Like most of us its got to her and she needed a good cry to let it all out but being hormonal teenagers we do that quite a lot, so when she explained I said to her that I was feeling the same and so were a lot of other people, the first few weeks are going to be hard but we will get there in the end. After she had gone to do some work I continued with mine and yet again my mind began to wonder but not this time to the monkey, but to the future.

I want to do well. Everyone wants to do well and I can tell you now my worst fear is failure, hence why me and my friend get on so well...we are both utter stress heads. We made jokes before results that she was going to be her dream job, a Doctor and I would be an Engineer, making millions and eating in PROPER fancy restaurants...or KFC what ever we want. But at no stage in this dream was their any mention of us being happy, fulfilled or content. It sounds soooo cliché but you can have all the money in the world with your dream job, just how you had planned life out to be from a young age, but if you're not happy then what's the point? So then I thought about our new dream future. And I could sum it up in one word. Unpredictable.

We don't know what's going to happen, who we are going to meet and where we are going to end up but the one thing I'm noticing at the minute is that I'm not as happy as I used to be, whether that be my circumstances or just the people around me feeling stressed to. I hate seeing friends upset more than feeling upset myself and she made me realise today that as long as we try our hardest, which I can assure you we are, we can't do anymore than that. Everything happens for a reason and as long as we are happy then the world is our oyster.

So if you're reading this and you have been feeling a bit stressed or worried, just remember we are all in the same boat, hopefully not the titanic and as long as you have faith in yourself and keep smiling (my little motto) everything will fall into place how it was set out for you, whether its what you always envisaged yourself doing or something completely different, you will always find happiness where you take it.

Keep Smiling :)

Niamh